Four Lettered Word

I could see her face, so clear from the window.  Her smile sparkled so bright, oh how jealous of her that I was.  There he came, to pick her up.  Where were they going?  Probably to the mall, that was her favorite spot.  He didn’t know her.  Not like I did.  Nobody did, not even she.  She glowed in the sun, like an angel.  I sit on the other side, hiding.  If she had known, she wouldn’t have been happy, she wouldn’t approve of my spying.  But I wasn’t spying, she was simply outside when I was looking, but she wouldn’t buy that, nobody would.  There’s already rumors about me: I’m the new freak of the town, she’d believe what they say, she always has.

Regardless of us… And our love

But never say that to her.  She’s the one who couldn’t handle it.  I would’ve told it to her every day. We “weren’t serious enough for love yet,” she would say to me.  Oh, but how I begged to differ.  I loved her the moment I met her, across the street glowing, hair flowing in the wind.  Envy flowed through the air, as I realized that I could never have her.  That’s why what happened, well, happened.

Before I tell you, you have to realize that love makes one completely crazy.  If you are honestly in true love, your thoughts, your mind will never make sense to anyone, yourself included.  I did what I had to do, the love, the want, the need for her drove me damn near insane.  She was my drug and I would do anything for a hit.

Did she love her boyfriend?  I didn’t know and I am sure that she didn’t.  She argued that she didn’t love him but why, why would she stay with him when she already had me?  “The status,” she would say.  Oh, how that pained me.  His money!  His job!  His status!  That’s what she wanted in life.  I knew that I should leave, for I would never be good enough for her.  But love.  Love is what kept me driven.  It’s what keeps me driven, even now.

I never liked to share, even when I was a kid.  However, here I was, forced to share the one thing in life that made me feel sane, happy almost, comfortable.  But, what is one to do in a situation similar to this one?  I suppose they could stand back and let it happen?  Or, you can do what I did.

I took her, I took her for myself.  Selfish, I know.  But when you’re in love, you want that person for yourself.  Oh, how she fought back.  I honestly didn’t mean to do it.  It just happened.  She kicked, screamed, told me she hated me, that she could never love somebody like me.  But it wasn’t even that that brought me to my worst.  She said the word, the one “little” four-lettered word: dyke.  The word that everybody used to describe me.

I snapped, hands wrapped around her throat, staring into her eyes, which were begging and pleading.  Now she knew how I felt: wanting help, wanting love and fearing the end.

But what she didn’t know was that soon it’d be my chance to hide us, to hide her. She will be forever with me, never to leave my side. Ever

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